i swear it'll get easier

maybe the tunnel's just curved

i know it gets hard sometimes. so bad you contemplate how much weight the hook on the ceiling can hold, bad enough for you to search the word “exsanguination” on wikipedia.

but one day you'll wake up and breathe contentedly. you'll snuggle in your sheets. you'll sigh as you stretch, the mauve carpet your grandmother gifted you tickling your warmed feet. you'll make yourself a hot cup of tea, stirring in a splash of milk with a teaspoon. as you sit at the table you'll realise life isn't really the malevolent darkness it was for so long. you'll look outside to see thr dark clouds parting to reveal a warm golden glow in a pearly sky.

it will no longer be a challenge to lift your heavy arm to brush your teeth, to go to work, to stand up in one swift motion. you'll walk down the street with your back straight, head held high to see the strangers smiling “good morning” and the pigeons flocking around the ankles of the elderly man who occupies the park bench from twelve to three. you'll smile at the children playing frisbee on the grass.

these smiles will come more easily. you'll be cheerful, something you thought you'd never be again. yes, you were list in the tunnel for a long time, and you couldn't see thr light. eventually you realised the tunnel was curved. now, on the other side, you know more tunnels like this lie ahead, but you remind yourself that darkness passes, tunnels end.

for now, today is the best day of your life merely because you are alive and have a cup of tea warming your hands and the sun is out and you're clean and you're going to call your friend and tell them you've woken from the slumber of depression.

the dark times were hard. you'd want to cry, need to cry, but you couldn't summon the tears. other times you'd cry so hard your whole face tingled. every simple action felt like a chore, heaviness weighing down every bone.

the devastating thing is, it will happen again and again. it isn't likely you will ever be fully rid of the monster that lurks within, but you are not alone and you have to believe it will get better. my history teacher once said to me, “when you lose hope you lose everything.”

it will get easier, you'll have the best times of your life, and then the very worst. but the point is: it always gets better. it always passes. don't lie down and die in that tunnel when the light is just around the corner.

everything is going to be all right if you allow it to be. do you hear me, everything will be okay. one day, you won't remember the last time you felt like this.

note: curved tunnel analogy credited to my friend k. title taken directly from the song “photograph” by ed sheeran.